Criticism is a massive deal for humans. We have a strong desire for approval and acceptance from others- to belong to our tribe. For most of our evolutionary history, living in close-knit tribes increased the odds of survival. The more valuable you are to your tribe, the more acceptance, status, and approval you get. The more you are regarded highly by others, the higher your self-esteem.
Thus, our self-esteem is inevitably linked to how valuable the members of our group see us. It hurts when we get criticized, especially by someone from our group who we like and admire. It hurts because their criticism reduces our value. The social pain caused by such criticism is your mind’s way of telling you:
“This is wrong! Your value has decreased. Your survival is under threat.”
You enter survival mode, exhibiting several physiological and psychological responses characteristic of the stress response. I recently published an article on survival mode symptoms induced by traumatic experiences. Unsurprisingly, the psychological effects of criticism overlap with the symptoms of survival mode. This shows that criticism, especially severe and harsh criticism from a highly regarded source, can be a traumatic experience for the individual.
Constant vs. one-off criticism
The mind has an easier time dealing with one-off criticism. A person who barely criticizes you is unlikely to have ill intent toward you. Their criticism is probably justified, objective, or even kind. You can easily attribute one-off criticisms to your actions or other situational factors. You can learn from it and get over it.
Constant criticism, on the contrary, stings. It’s hurtful because the person constantly criticizing you likely has ill intent toward you. They probably look down upon you or want to exert power over you. Their criticism will likely be harsh, subjective, unjustified, and destructive.
Even if their criticism is covert, like passive-aggressiveness, sarcasm, or snide remarks, if it happens consistently, it’s like dying by a thousand cuts. Over time, the core of who you are will get destroyed.
Effects of constant criticism
1. Low self-esteem
The degree to which one relies on others for their self-worth depends on one’s level of self-esteem. People who have high self-esteem derive most of their self-worth from themselves. They have to be valuable in their own eyes and in the eyes of a few others they admire.
In contrast, those with low self-esteem are overly reliant on others for their self-worth. They constantly seek approval and validation from others—anybody and everybody. For them, constant criticism is like a death blow that can completely destroy their confidence.
Even if you have high self-esteem, constant criticism can erode your self-worth over time. It makes you question your value as a human being. It plants seeds of self-doubt in your mind. You’ll find yourself ruminating over the harsh words that were thrown at you.
2. Sadness
Sadness is an emotion we experience when confronted with a loss. Loss of self-esteem can induce sadness. You hate what you’ve become. You miss who you were. You wish you could turn back time and become who you were before your core was eaten away by constant criticism.
3. Loneliness
When you’re constantly criticized by someone or a group of people, you’re mind’s like:
“I don’t belong to this person or group.”
Not belonging to someone you once belonged to induces feelings of loneliness. You want to avoid this person who’s hurting you. You may want to cut them off entirely from your life for the sake of your mental well-being.
4. Depression
When your value as a human being is reduced by criticism, you may feel helpless and hopeless. You may not know how to recover your value. Depression occurs when we lack the strategies we need to recover our value by accomplishing our important life goals.
5. Self-harm
The lowering of value and social pain induced by constant criticism can lead people to self-harm or develop suicidal tendencies.1Zaccari, V., Mancini, F., & Rogier, G. (2024). State of the art of the literature on definitions of self-criticism: a meta-review. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 15, 1239696. Low-value individuals contribute nothing to the group and are likely to be costly and burdensome for the group. Therefore, people have evolved psychological mechanisms that drive them to delete themselves to benefit the group.
6. Negative and limiting beliefs
If you were constantly criticized by an authority figure like a parent or teacher in childhood, you likely carry limiting and/or negative beliefs about yourself. Think about what you think you can and can’t do. Chances are, the things you think you can’t do, you probably have no good reason to believe that you can’t do them. It’s just part of your subconscious programming from the past that you never questioned.
7. Lack of motivation
Constant criticism is energy-draining. Due to our negativity bias, we remember and process negative statements more than positive ones. A sure sign that you’re in a toxic relationship where you’re constantly getting overtly or covertly criticized is that you’re processing the other person’s statements too much. This drains your mental energy.
8. Impaired cognitive function
As a result of the mental energy drain, you find that you can’t focus on essential tasks. When your cognitive bandwidth is consumed by processing criticism, you find that you can’t pay attention to things. Your memory suffers as well.
9. Over-reaction
Some people have core wounds around shame. When criticized, they’re likely to overreact and become aggressive. People can commit horrendous crimes while overreacting to criticisms or insults that others wouldn’t think much of. It’s because their shame wound gets triggered, and they feel deeply hurt and humiliated. Criticize the wrong person the wrong way, and all hell can break loose.
10. Sensitization
When you get frequently criticized, your threshold for perceiving criticism and reacting to it lowers. The more you are criticized, the more you see criticism everywhere, even when you’re not criticized.2Cunningham, M. R., Shamblen, S. R., Barbee, A. P., & Ault, L. K. (2005). Social allergies in romantic relationships: Behavioral repetition, emotional sensitization, and dissatisfaction in dating couples. Personal Relationships, 12(2), 273-295.
11. Habituation
Some individuals become so used to constant criticism that they emotionally shut down and become numb to it. They may suppress their negative feelings. While this defense mechanism might allow them to ‘handle’ criticism and avoid conflict escalation, in the long run, it’s detrimental to their mental health. Suppressed hurt turns into resentment, which may leak out in the form of passive aggression or gush out in an emotional outburst.
12. Anxiety
You walk on eggshells around the person who frequently criticizes you, not knowing when the next criticism will drop. You think a 100 times before deciding to say or do something. The anxiety is paralyzing.
13. Addiction
To cope with the emotional pain of criticism, you might indulge in unhealthy coping behaviors like binging food or TV shows, endlessly scrolling social media, substance abuse, or gambling.
14. Perfectionism
Failure is part of learning. When you get criticized often, you might believe that you have to do things perfectly. You develop this belief to avoid the pain of criticism. This belief can significantly hold you back in life.
15. Reduced resilience
Your value decreases temporarily when you fail or go through a bad phase. You need support from others during this time. When you get support and encouragement from others, you recover your value enough to get back up, dust off your clothes, and try again. Recovered value makes you resilient. In contrast, criticism during this time can be devastating as it lowers your value further. It becomes hard to get back up.
Some people are so cruel they will kick you when you’re already down. They were looking for a long time to gain leverage over you. Now that you’re already down, it’s their time to destroy you further and shatter your resilience. You shatter their hopes when you get back up no matter what.
