Emotional dysregulation is the inability to handle emotions. Emotions are signals our minds send us to help us meet our needs. In this sense, they’re adaptive and enable us to navigate life. However, they can spiral out of control and become maladaptive if not appropriately handled.
For example, it’s normal to feel jealous when your coworker gets a promotion you were after. Now, you can deal with this jealousy in an emotionally regulated or dysregulated way. Examples of the former are exercising, dwelling on your achievements, and thinking positively. Saying bad things to your coworker and sabotaging their promotion would be examples of the latter.
When we can’t handle our emotions, we tend to behave impulsively and act in ways we regret later. This is why emotional regulation is an essential life skill.
What emotional regulation is not
Emotional regulation is not suppressing or avoiding emotions. It isn’t controlling them, either. It is feeling them but responding to them appropriately, depending on the context of the situation. Say you’re angry with your spouse. You can confront them and address the issue. In contrast, if you’re angry with your boss, you may have to find alternate ways of dealing with that anger instead of confronting your boss directly.
Most of the time, emotions are automatic responses to environmental changes. You can’t do much to avoid triggering them. What you can do is choose how you respond to them.
What causes emotional dysregulation?
Neurobiologically speaking, emotional regulation is facilitated by a strong connection between the prefrontal cortex (responsible for self-control) and the limbic system (responsible for emotions). If the connection between these two parts is weak due to genetics, illness, or injury, it can lead to emotional dysregulation.
More often than not, emotional dysregulation is the result of childhood emotional neglect and trauma. If your primary caregivers didn’t hold space for your emotions and needs, you’re likely to be dismissive about emotions growing up. You have problems identifying and safely expressing them. You didn’t get much practice in exercising emotional self-control.
Societal conditioning also plays a role. Men are taught to ignore their emotions. While it may seem that would make you mentally strong, it’s not the case. You can only master your emotions by understanding them, not avoiding them. Also, just because women are better at being in tune with their feelings and emotional expression, that doesn’t necessarily make them good at emotional regulation.
Emotional dysregulation is linked to:
- ADHD1Shaw, P., Stringaris, A., Nigg, J., & Leibenluft, E. (2014). Emotion dysregulation in attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. American Journal of Psychiatry, 171(3), 276-293.
- Autism2Samson, A. C., Phillips, J. M., Parker, K. J., Shah, S., Gross, J. J., & Hardan, A. Y. (2014). Emotion dysregulation and the core features of autism spectrum disorder. Journal of Autism and developmental Disorders, 44, 1766-1772.
- BPD3Kröger, C., Vonau, M., Kliem, S., & Kosfelder, J. (2011). Emotion dysregulation as a core feature of borderline personality disorder: comparison of the discriminatory ability of two self-rating measures. Psychopathology, 44(4), 253-260.
- Perfectionism4Aldea, M. A., & Rice, K. G. (2006). The role of emotional dysregulation in perfectionism and psychological distress. Journal of counseling psychology, 53(4), 498.
- Emotional eating and eating disorders5Guerrini-Usubini, A., Cattivelli, R., Scarpa, A., Musetti, A., Varallo, G., Franceschini, C., & Castelnuovo, G. (2023). The interplay between emotion dysregulation, psychological distress, emotional eating, and weight status: A path model. International Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology, 23(1), 100338.
Emotional dysregulation is the mishandling of negative and positive emotions. While positive emotions are primarily harmless, they can sometimes make people behave irrationally. For instance, being overgenerous when you’re flattered.
Overcoming emotional dysregulation
I’m not a big fan of distraction-based emotional regulation strategies, although they can be effective. I’m talking about deep breathing, yoga, and mindfulness-based practices. Sure, they can make you feel better in the short run, but your emotions are likely to return when you’re done with your yoga stretches.
What I am a fan of is cognitive-based emotional regulation strategies. What that means is you allow yourself to feel how you feel. You watch your emotions non-judgmentally. You try to understand them just as you would any natural phenomenon. Depending on the situation, you choose how to respond to them. You work on reprogramming any negative beliefs that may drive your negative emotions.
This approach accepts the inherent value of emotions and sees no need for emotional suppression or avoidance.
About the test
This test consists of 15 items on a Yes/No scale. Answer based on how you’re feeling currently or have been feeling in the recent past. The quiz is based on multiple validated scales that are used by researchers.6Bjureberg, J., Ljótsson, B., Tull, M. T., Hedman, E., Sahlin, H., Lundh, L. G., … & Gratz, K. L. (2016). Development and validation of a brief version of the difficulties in emotion regulation scale: the DERS-16. Journal of psychopathology and behavioral assessment, 38, 284-296. 7Mazefsky, C. A., Yu, L., White, S. W., Siegel, M., & Pilkonis, P. A. (2018). The emotion dysregulation inventory: Psychometric properties and item response theory calibration in an autism spectrum disorder sample. Autism Research, 11(6), 928-941. 8Newhill, C. E., Mulvey, E. P., & Pilkonis, P. A. (2004). Initial development of a measure of emotional dysregulation for individuals with cluster B personality disorders. Research on Social Work Practice, 14(6), 443-449. 9Gill, D., Warburton, W., Sweller, N., Beath, K., & Humburg, P. (2021). The emotional dysregulation questionnaire: development and comparative analysis. Psychology and Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice, 94, 426-463.
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