Capacity to love test (10 Areas)

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Hanan Parvez
MA Psychology
Updated:

high capacity to love couple

Have you ever asked yourself the following questions:

Do I have the capacity to love?
Am I even capable of loving?

People usually ask these questions after a failed relationship or not being in one for a long time. They doubt if they can genuinely love others.

Being social mammals, we’re all wired to love and get attached to others. But some factors can limit our capacity to love. Researchers and clinicians have identified these factors.

Capacity to love meaning

The capacity to love means being able to overcome or manage the factors that tend to harm relationships. While this can apply to any relationship, we’re focusing here on romantic relationships.

If your capacity to love is high, your relationship is likely stable and healthy. If your capacity to love is low, you’re likely to be in an unhealthy relationship.

If you and your partner both have a high capacity to love, your relationship will feel effortless and harmonious. If both partners have a low capacity to love, the relationship is doomed.

If one partner has a high and another has a low capacity to love, then the ‘high’ partner must help the ‘low’ partner become ‘high’ for the relationship to thrive.

Development

I looked at the research on the various factors that limit one’s capacity to love and designed this test around those factors.

We can break down the capacity to love into ten major sub-capacities or dimensions:

  1. Interest
  2. Trust
  3. Forgiveness
  4. Communication
  5. Gratitude
  6. Support
  7. Passion
  8. Empathy
  9. Self-love
  10. Loss acceptance

Taking the capacity to love test

This test is meant for those currently in a romantic relationship or who have been in one in the past. It tests how you act in your relationship. This comprehensive test consists of 50 items on a 5-point scale ranging from Strongly agree to Strongly disagree.

Completing this test will give you a fair idea about the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship. The test is confidential, and we don’t store the results in our database.

Capacity to love test

1. I have an ongoing curiosity and interest in the life of my partner.

2. Me and my partner share goals and values.

3. I am interested in knowing the life plan of my partner.

4. I know and respect the boundaries of my partner.

5. I believe that my partner has the best intentions for me.

6. I feel good when my partner confides in me.

7. I feel safe in my partner's company.

8. I don't mind sharing my problems with my partner.

9. I try my best to keep the promises I make to my partner.

10. I have the ability to genuinely apologize to my partner.

11. I have the ability to forgive my partner.

12. Me and my partner can start again after serious conflicts.

13. We are understanding of each other even in conflicts.

14. When conflicts arise, I search for compromise solutions.

15. I can raise questions when I feel misunderstood or mistreated by my partner.

16. I can express my concerns without attempting to guilt my partner.

17. I express my feelings and needs to my partner.

18. If my partner violates a boundary of mine, I can be assertive.

19. I openly acknowledge my behavior that hurts my partner.

20. I feel deep gratitude for the existence of my partner.

21. I accept that my partner plays an undeniable role in helping me feel fulfilled in life.

22. I am thankful for the love that I receive from my partner.

23. I often tell my partner how much I appreciate them.

24. I don't complain about my partner or the relationship.

25. I feel no shame or inferiority when my partner takes care of me.

26. I wish to share responsibilities, burdens, and tasks fairly with my partner.

27. Me and my partner can freely ask each other for help.

28. If the situation calls for it, I'll do anything to support my partner.

29. My partner's well-being is a priority for me.

30. My relationship doesn't lack physical intimacy.

31. My desire for my partner hasn't diminished over time.

32. Our relationship still has the sparks it had during the initial days of courtship.

33. I care about my partner's sexual needs.

34. I have the ability to understand my partner.

35. I'm considerate of my partner's feelings.

36. I feel guilty when I hurt my partner.

37. I get quickly upset when my partner shows negative behavior.

38. When my partner is happy, I tend to be happy as well.

39. I generally feel good about myself.

40. I feel adequate and worthy despite my flaws and faults.

41. I take good care of myself.

42. I am constantly working on myself.

43. I avoid people who negatively affect my mental health.

44. I acknowledge that people are free to make their own choices.

45. You can't force anyone to love you.

46. No one can be guilted into loving anyone.

47. When a relationship ends, I don't blame myself or my partner.

References

  1. Kernberg, O. F. (2011). Limitations to the capacity to love. The International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 92(6), 1501-1515.
  2. Kapusta, N. D., Jankowski, K. S., Wolf, V., Chéron-Le Guludec, M., Lopatka, M., Hammerer, C., … & Blüml, V. (2018). Measuring the capacity to love: development of the CTL-inventory. Frontiers in psychology, 9, 1115.