A person who has bipolar disorder goes through alternate phases of mania or hypomania and depression. Mania is a high-energy, emotionally-charged state in a bipolar person experiences the following symptoms:
- Having more energy than usual
- Working non-stop
- Unable to sleep
- Feeling invincible
- High self-esteem
- Aggression
- Anger
- Rage
- Impulsivity
Hypomania is a less severe version of mania. It can be seen as a sort of ‘mad happiness’ that does disrupt a person’s life, but not to the extent mania usually does. Depressive episodes, on the other hand, involve feeling sad, hopeless, ashamed, guilty, and unwilling to do anything, even the activities that the person once enjoyed.
Bipolar vs. normal blaming
Humans tend to blame others when threatened, stressed, and experiencing negative emotions. Since bipolars experience more intense and lasting negative moods, they have a greater tendency to blame others. Their blaming is more likely to be unjustified, irrational, or exaggerated.
While the judgment of normal people is also affected by their mood, they’re often able to reflect on and regret their unjustified blaming when they cool down. Bipolars take longer to cool down and are unlikely to admit they were being irrational and unfair with their blaming. They’re much more consumed by their negative emotions during mania and or/depression. One week, they’re okay with you; the next, they see you as the source of all their problems. As a result of this unpredictability, those living near a bipolar often find themselves walking on eggshells.
Bipolar rage attacks in women
Since women are more emotion-driven and emotionally dysregulated than men, they can be more prone to bipolar rage attacks. Bipolar women experience more depressive symptoms than bipolar men.1Miller, L. J., Ghadiali, N. Y., Larusso, E. M., Wahlen, K. J., Avni-Barron, O., Mittal, L., & Greene, J. A. (2015). Bipolar disorder in women. Health care for women international, 36(4), 475-498. Depression in bipolar disorder is associated with higher number of critical comments.2McMurrich, S. L., & Johnson, S. L. (2009). The role of depression, shame-proneness, and guilt-proneness in predicting criticism of relatives towards people with bipolar disorder. Behavior therapy, 40(4), 315-324. Also, during bipolar depressive episodes, women are more likely to report problems in weight management, appetite, and sleep.3Arnold, L. M. (2003). Gender differences in bipolar disorder. Psychiatric Clinics, 26(3), 595-620. So, when women have bipolar disorder, they also have other co-ocurring issues that can make the disorder worse. When a bipolar woman is enraged, she’s likely to get highly emotional and dramatic. Her rage episodes will last long and emotionally exhaust those around her.
Reasons your bipolar daughter blames you
1. Avoidance of emotional pain
She may say hurtful things to you during a manic episode or do other impulsive things like throw things at you. That makes her feel bad. But because she doesn’t want to, or can’t, take responsibility for her actions, she needs to blame someone. Blaming you brings her relief. It’s a way for her to cope with her feelings of guilt and shame.
2. Irritability
Irritability is a symptom of both manic and depressive states. In mania, irritability can lead to anger, impatience, and hostility. She’s likely to lash out. In depression, it can lead to annoyance and low frustration-tolerance. She’s likely to withdraw. In both cases, irritability causes her to blame you for all her problems. She seems unaware that she was already mildly irritated before raging out on you.
3. Attention-seeking
Negative attention is still attention. Her emotionally-charged rants may be a way for her to get your attention and importance, especially if she also has narcissistic traits. It’s like she feeds off of your negative emotional reactions. You may not want to react to her emotionally, but, before you realize it, she has already put you in defensive mode with her unfair and exaggerated blaming. You get caught in a blame battle with her that goes nowhere.
4. Triggers
Normal people react in an irrational and exaggerated manner to triggers from past trauma. You can imagine that a bipolar person will react in an even more irrational and exaggerated way when their trauma-related triggers are activated. Often, a bipolar person will choose different people as a target for their bipolar rage. If it’s only who’s constantly triggering them, they likely have unresolved issues with you.
5. Distorted perception
Your daughter isn’t thinking straight when she blames you during a bipolar episode. She’s threatened, and fear makes her misperceive reality. She’ll throw all kinds of ludicrous accusations on you like “You always do this to me” or “You are never there for me”. In severe cases, she’ll hyper-focus on your character flaws and shred your self-worth to pieces. She’s not deliberately lying. She’s too emotional to see the reality of the situation.
Handling bipolar rage
Knowing that your daughter has bipolar disorder can significantly help you depersonalize her actions. Avoid blame battles and fighting fire with fire. Don’t try to reason with her. She’s incapable of reason during a rage episode. Try to stay calm and address her underlying fears. Set boundaries and explain how her behaviors affect you when she finally cools down. Encourage her to seek therapy.
